I woke up this morning and realized
I want to live forever

I started to laugh
hys
terically,

I will die one day I will die

and everything that comes to me in joy
(the sun, my sofa, my sister,
asshole drivers, the rain, air conditioning,
dreams…)
will cease to be mine

I don’t believe it

It’s as though I’m on vacation
with my father and sister in Bequia

and I’ve played with boats and climbed mountains
and seen the harbor and seen the little white houses

and read, a million times!
the report of Princess Grace’s death,
trying to grasp…

and I put down the magazine
‘I’ll come back to it,’ I tell myself

because it will always be there
I will always be here
and I walk away casually

and the next day
I’m on a plane to Toronto

Allison Bolah
from Shadow of a Wave, 2012